After coming up for air after those down days with depression it almost feels unreal. My body naturally wakes up at a decent time, i’m able to start working earlier and that darkness and heaviness is lifted. I almost feel like a brand new person and even inspired.
If you don’t follow my Instagram, you might have missed me speaking about my depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with situational depression at two different times in the last 10 years and even had some anxiety attacks in the last few years. It’s not nearly as bad as what some people deal with. I’ve learned the signs and how to protect my well being as much as i can. Even though reading, and journaling, exercise, and pushing myself keep it at bay and keep me motivated and truly happy; those times where i feel the heaviness coming over me, I’m unable to do the things i love for a few days. Luckily, i know I’ll need the extra sleep, i reach out to some people to hold me accountable so i eat and get out of bed eventually. I am very grateful though it doesn’t affect my work. if i have a shoot, i just know I’ll sleep the whole day leading up to it, and conserve my energy. I can still get everything i need to and sometimes the creative juices flow even better, but after I’ll be crashing in bed again.
I am not able to share my thoughts during those days, as it would take all my energy to write about it. But after, like i said coming up for air, i can think so much more clearly about what happened. It’s usually brought on by extreme stress, and I’ve tried to keep stress levels down in my personal life, knowing i don’t handle them as well as i used to. but It happens, and now that i know i may struggle with this for a long time, i have the routine down. How i speak to myself is a huge deal, allowing myself to rest knowing it’ll get better more quickly if i just allow myself to be still.
I share this part of my life not for sympathy by any means. But i feel it’s just as important to share the great times as well as the struggle. And when I’m not struggling i appreciate all i have even more. I also want you to see a glimpse of why I push reading and journaling so much, and why i push being vulnerable with people who can hold you accountable, counseling or mentors, exercise and how we speak to ourselves, and also why it’s important to see ourselves as strong, capable women. It’s necessary, It helps build us, and even through the sadness i know I’ll be strong again and in the midst i still am. And i need it too, it’s helped me get through some extremely difficult situations and instilled confidence, self love, knowledge, understanding, and vulnerability.
So when you see the happy posts (and i really am happy most the time) and i push you to do those things, it’s because they make such an impact in our lives, and from experience, it can better our character and help us move forward in a healthy realistic and life-changing way.
Photo Above: Self Portrait. Hair and Makeup by Stacy Alderson