Humility & Accepting Gifts- EP 19

Shine Podcast with Shanna Star EP 19- Humility and Accepting Gifts.

Tune in today about true humility and what we all could work on better, accepting those gifts of compliments. Learn about why it's important and a mind shift to saying thank you and stop denying gifts.

let’s chat a little about a little gift that people like to give called compliments. If you’ve had a conversation or a few with me, this might be one i’ve brought up. I say women, because we’re the ones that tend to rely to a compliment with “no, but thanks” or with a directly opposite remark of the compliment just given. and this is a problem.

now let’s say a friend, acquaintance, loved one pays for your meal, gives you a gift, and your reply is to hand it back. That’s exactly what you’re doing when you don’t with an open heart and open mind allow the gift of compliments to be given. Women especially need to learn the words “thank you” when receiving a compliment with no if and or butts coming after that thank you. (and then store this and allow it to sink deep in future times of need)

Somewhere along the line, most women learn that humility (or what we think is true humility) means to not accept compliments, not give ourselves too much time, and being the most busy and only thinking of others is well holy and the thing to accomplish. While this could go in a multitude of directions, i want to really focus on receiving compliments today and what humility looks like.

One quote says that humility isn't thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. CS LEWis

Humility isn’t thinking of yourself as less than the one next to you, it’s not thinking that denying a compliment is the way to a more holy heart. It’s an issue i’ve seen over and again. and yet when women hear something negative about ourselves, it stays in our heads and hearts for years and we immediately accept that thing being said- even if it’s untrue. One of the ways we can combat those negative thoughts is by accepting gifts of compliments. there’s something to be said when you allow a compliment and receive it with that open heart that it gets stored stored just like the negative ones, and overtime those thoughts we’ve stored become how we talk to ourselves and then become actions-, and what a good and positive thing when i can stand in front of the mirror and even when the negative thoughts, i can combat that with the positive ones that i’ve heard and told myself- it ’s just part of how we unlearn negative inner talk and start to gain confidence and positivity around us. And most of us may know that unlearning a behavior can be more difficult than learning one. Negative talk is one, and i often quote “be careful how you’re talking to yourself, you’re listening.” And now to add- your children hear how you talk to yourself too.

Before i lose you on this-There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance, but it’s not for the giver of gifts to deem who is worthy of either title. It’s only in the heart of the one receiving. Which can be tough to do, we see someone seemingly arrogant and without knowing their story decide that about them. it’s a little like the verse about how we see a speck of dust in someone’s eye but miss the plank in our own- So it’s time to turn inward and work on confidence and true humility and let the person we’re judging as arrogant vs confident deal with their own heart too.

I want to build up women around me- i want strong, confident, capable, filled with joy women and i feel one of my personal purposes is to see that in others, remind them of it being seen and encourage it- but it’s never for me to decide that any women has pushed past confidence into arrogance. It’s only up to me to work on my heart and be confident but still willing to learn and grow.

Arrogance vs confidence- Many women might already be on the lines of- okay so if i’m confident how do i know if i’m TOO confident and hit the arrogance mark?- my first thought is to say- if you’re concerned you’re too confident and might be arrogant- you’re not. You’re already concerned with being too much so let’s stop that worry right there. But if we’re doing a heart check,
-are you willing to still learn grow and listen or does arrogance give you the thought that you’ve learned all you can.
do you believe everyone has something to offer?- or like arrogance do you think you might be the only one to have it to offer?
do you take responsibility for mistakes or like arrogance do you find an excuse for each situation?
are you grateful for your successes and accomplishments or like arrogance do you feel you had a right to them?

There’s a lot of ways we can check our hearts, but the bottom like is.. we only can check our own hearts and confidence is an amazing characteristic that can and will bring good and let others shine around you, so continue to own that.

i speak often about self-reflection, finding what makes you shine, and spending time for you. And this episode seems to be saying something slightly different, so i want to be clear. Women especially tend to have the mindset of only giving and never time for ourselves, and it’s one habit that i see a lot of negative outcomes come from- whether it’s being burnt out, feeling unappreciated, not able to give anymore, lack of confidence, and wrapped up living vicariously through someone else and not seeing you’re a whole woman on your own- forgetting your identity as a woman. I will continue to speak fiercely about this subject because i know so many women daily who need that encouragement and push and it’s healthy to better yourself because it makes you a better family member to those around you and i fully believe that. You can give even more fully when you have some strength. I see that more as a habit than i do of women needing to be humble. so i wanted to make it clear what humility is not, and that’s NOT thinking of yourself as less as the next woman. You’re just as strong and capable you need only to believe in yourself and compare less.

let’s circle back to those compliments you keep denying. Although i’d like to think of myself as tender-hearted, i tend to be blunt, so if i hear any denying of the gifts- i will call you out. Compliments are gifts, and (as long as people aren’t being petty) they’re sincere, from the heart, and honestly for some people- hard to muster up as it puts them in a vulnerable position to tell you (usually if you’re a stranger). so denying them is denying a gift, and also pushing back on some vulnerability that they may refrain from showing in the future. They’re small but valuable gifts for you to keep, hold onto, and many times remind yourself of when you’re in need of a uplifting thought. But when you deny them, you’re emotionally letting go and denying that compliment as truth so you won’t have it to hold onto when you need some encouragement.

It might be a small thing to change and a mind shift , but start opening your eyes to how many women deny compliments that could be something as simple as accepting could mean better self talk and confidence.

so i’m challenging you to notice your habits towards those gifts and if you’re accepting, and i you aren’t, to try to shift that into receiving a gift that someone wants to give you because they believe it to be true of you- and you should remind yourself of it too.

As always keep shining