disappointments and the way it's supposed to be

There’s those moments for me, when i pick up a new book and i feel the weightiness of emotion and healing it will bring. “It Shouldn’t Be This Way” is one, and i’m only through chapter 3. As it instantly brought me back to my personal disappointments and brokenness seemingly beyond repair.. dust as the author put it, i cried. It’s exactly the way i felt. i couldn’t pick up the pieces, the pieces were complete dust. “You can’t glue dust” she said. But that very that next line hit me hard.. “dust is the exact ingredient God loves to use to build new.” and like my heart opened again to the wounds i’m working on to complete cry baby status, knowing with each time i allow to feel pain, it brings healing. Whenever we ignore going through the hard work, it only delays healing process and even though i have many faults, i am no stranger to digging dip into my hurts and working through the difficult process towards healing. It’s the only thing that i can look back eventually and see that i’m not angry or bitter, just healing my heart. One word, book, conversation, tear, or awkward inappropriate time to laugh at a time.

I’m not sure what it is about cracking open a book that cracks open my heart the same. It’s like the work you do sitting in front of a counselor, looking at the tough things, in a mirror at the ugly things or hurtful times, realizing the deeper meaning, and addressing all those issues you try to hide all day long. (or at least push aside so we can function for some of the day) My disappointments and yours will be vastly different. How we cope and progress will be so different, but we all will experience some immense pain at some point in life. And although i believe in being positive, validation about negative emotions were given in this book in chapter one. That both perspectives are real and should be acknowledged, even though we never feel like we have permission to talk through the hard things. (unless you’re standing in front of me, which we’ll be talking about the tough stuff… REAL quick.) both perspectives that the broken moments and situations are awful, they suck, are unnecessary, but in the same thought that they can someday be used for good as “fertilizer for the future.” I’m not saying everything has a purpose, sometimes life is disappointing, but we can use it to MAKE good. Maybe not today, but someday.

So maybe it’s not supposed to be this way. We weren’t made to have continual heartbreak and we’re often not able to control the outcome of the life we were attached to making. But we can make something brand new out of the brokenness, the hardest part is trusting to keep going, that maybe we don’t see the whole picture within the aching pieces of our hearts, to give ourselves permission to talk about it, to heal, to start over, and a little hope something even better is in store. If nothing else, it connects people. I find connection with people through hardships, and those conversations and words are always on my heart. i play them back as memories that will always live on, that give us strength and courage that we’re not alone and that there’s more joy to come and when it does, i’m open and ready for the moments that feel like a breath of fresh air and the way it was supposed to be.

Keep Shining

Shanna Star

Hair and makeup by Stacy Alderson